When
I had taken a couple of moments to re-compose myself, and had found an
acceptable pair of jeans to change into from the pile of dirty laundry I had
been working out of for months, I joined Bull, Dayna, and our continually growing
group of comrades at the round table. At
first glance it appeared that people were seated two-deep at the table. I leaned against the doorframe for a moment
until Bull held his hand above his head in a gesture for me to make my way
towards where he was sitting. He leaned
into the kitchen from his chair, and retrieved a small camping chair from the
corner. He unfolded the canvas seat, and
set it down next to his old, broken wooden chair that he refused to let me fix
or reinforce in any way, despite my persistent requests in an attempt to do so.
I
was greeted by the friendly faces at the table with smiles and brief nods of
heads. Others just scooted their chairs
to make room for my passage. Not a few
people shared looks between themselves that I can only describe as the jealous
behavior of people wanting all of Bull’s attention. I finally negotiated my way through crowded
room and sat anxiously in the small chair Bull intended me to sit in.
Bull
leaned over to me and quietly asked, “You feeling okay, brother?”
“Yeah,
boss… I’m better now. How about you?” I looked cautiously in his direction, and saw
that his eyes were neither full of their usual fire, nor did they exhibit any
of the extraordinary sadness I had witnessed during our exchange in the
bathroom. Instead I saw what I can only
describe as the soft glow of a candle nearing the end of its wick.
“I’m
good, brother… I’m sorry that it happened like that, but I’m glad that we had a
chance to communicate like that today.” He hesitated for a moment and continued, “Did
you change your clothes?” He looked curiously
at the grungy camo pants that I had exchanged my piss-dampened jeans for.
“Yeah,
motherfucker…” I said under my breath. “You
made me piss my other pants when I thought you were gonna crush my skull,” I
whispered and laughed uncomfortably to myself. Bull joined my laughter, slapping me playfully
on the back. My eyes, which were focused
on the floor during this brief exchange, finally looked up at our companions
who were all staring at us silently… waiting in vain to be let in on whatever
funny joke had erupted between the two of us.
I didn’t know what Bull assumed, but I had no intention of telling any
of them that Bull had very recently and quite literally scared the piss out of
me.
Conversation resumed slowly within the
group. Under the table, and out of sight
of most of our guests, I reached into the large pocket at the knee of my pants,
and retrieved the wad of folded money that I had received from Rhonda. Bull was watching as I did so, and let his
hand fall from the table to meet mine as he took possession of the cash. He held it between his thumb and fingers
momentarily, then deposited it securely in his own pocket. He gave me the thumbs up from under the
table, and his hand returned to the cigarette he had left burning in one of the
many nearby ashtrays. Bull never
bothered to count cash that I gave him, ever.
This bothered people sometimes, but I think that Bull used this little
bit of openly displayed trust between the two of us as a way to keep people in
check when they had to deal with me if I was by myself. Bull’s faith in me gave people the idea that
I wasn’t to be fucked around with. It was one
of my favorite things about being friends with him. People may not have liked me for one reason
or another, but they never tried to get one over on me.
“Did
you get anything else in your travels?” Bull asked.
“Yeah,
boss… I got maybe three or four boxes of pills.
I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to bring that up yet.” I began to reach into my pocket again, when
he held his hand up to stop me.
“Well,
hold onto that a second…” Bull rapped on the table to get everybody’s
attention. “I think that since we’re all
here for the same reason, then it’s time to have a serious discussion before we
go any further today.”
Silence.
“Who
brought boxes?” Bull asked.
Almost
simultaneously, everybody seated at the table that had brought boxes of pills
began reaching into their pockets and purses, to retrieve the coveted ingredient. When they had all been placed on the table,
Bull looked around the room at each person sitting with him. He was being purposeful about making eye
contact with everybody, one at a time.
“Alright…
I’m only going to say this once, so I want everybody to listen, and listen
closely…” Bull stood up and began to
retrieve the boxes, and deposit them in front of where I sat in neat stacks.
Silence.
“Everybody
here today is going to get something extra for what they brought this time,”
Bull stated firmly, and looked down at the stacks of boxes. “I
can’t tell you exactly how much, because we all know how this shit goes
sometimes.” He paused and reached his
hand over to where Dayna was sitting to his left, and grabbed her hand. She leaned her face down to Bull’s hand, holding
hers and kissed it deeply and affectionately.
“After we get done with what it is we are doing here tonight, that’s it. I’m done… I quit. I don’t want anybody to ever bring another
box of pills or anything used to manufacture of this fucking drug back onto my
property. If you bring something stupid
over to my house after tonight, you will be greeted with a swift kick to your ass,
and I will never have another word to say to you. Is that completely understood?”
Silence.
“DOES
EVERYBODY FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?” Bull
roared.
Everybody
in the room seemed to awaken from the same trance at the same time with a
startled jump. There was a chorus of
immediate affirmations, and to my surprise not one person questioned Bull’s
decision, or tried to make the smallest of protests. I sat quietly in my uncomfortable camping
chair and took a moment to examine the stunned faces of the people whom Bull had
chosen to have near him at this exact moment in his life. When my gaze crossed to Dayna, who had
apparently never stopped staring at Bull, her face was wet with tears, and she
was beaming with a glow of pride and hope that had been sadly absent from her
appearance for a great deal of time.
“In
exchange for my generous nature, and as a token of everybody’s appreciation for
my sudden spiritual awakening, I have a favor to ask of everybody here with me
right now.” Bull was sitting back down
in his rickety old chair as he finished.
“What’s
that, boss?” I asked, vocalizing for the group.
“Not
you, brother… you’ll be otherwise occupied and uncomfortably compromised, as
usual this evening. But the rest of you
need to get out onto the property and gather up anything that resembles
something used to cook dope. We’ll start
a bonfire towards the back fields, and burn EVERYTHING. Everything that won’t burn needs to be
disposed of somewhere far away. Can
everybody agree to that? Can you guys
help me get this place ready to bring Dayna’s son back home?” I almost had myself convinced that I heard Bull’s voice crack a little, and Dayna
sobbed momentarily.
The
resounding chorus of agreement and readiness for the task at hand was
unanimous. We were all ready to help
Bull with whatever he asked. I can’t say
for sure though, just how many people at that table were agreeing just to see
Bull to get to work so they could get their dope. Regardless, Bull had a plan, and I was amazed
at how focused he was on seeing this goal achieved.
Bull
utilized the next half-hour to delegate areas of the property to people while
Dayna took notes on who was supposed to be where. When the delegation of tasks was finished,
and Bull was satisfied that everybody understood the importance of the mission
at hand, he reached under the table and grabbed a large square mirror and set
it on the table in front of him. He then
dumped a massive pile of dope out of a bag, divided it into lines, lit his
propane torch, and began to share the last hotlines he would ever inhale at the
round table we had all come to feel at home in front of.
This work is the intellectual property of Jerome J. Panozzo
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